Thursday, March 20, 2008

Insult or Invitation?

OK, so I had Chinese food for lunch yesterday. For the most part, I will say that I am an equal opprtunity eater. I haven't met very many foods that I don't like, and this Chinese food was no exception. I had some egg drop soup, some beef lo mein, some crab rangoon, some rice, and some sui mai. Yummy. (Sorry, honey, I know you hate it when I have Chinese food without you.) Anyway, the point is that I may have overeaten, you know, just a little... And, after I stuffed myself with all that food, I opened my fortune cookie. I mean, it doesn't matter how full you are, you have to eat the fortune cookie, right?


So picture this with me, I'm sitting at the lunch table in my breakroom, trying hard to breathe, wanting to take a nap, and unwrapping my fortune cookie. After I got it out of the wrapper, I broke my fortune cookie in half, shoved one half of the cookie promptly in my mouth, and read my "fortune." I expected it to say something like, "You will live a long, healthy life," or "A closed mouth gathers no feet." But, instead, it said, "New clothes are in your future." And in the words of my ten year-old, I thought to myself, "Is that an insult?" (In case you were wondering, apparently EVERYTHING is an insult when you're ten.) Hello?? What kind of fortune is that? Now, I'm not superstitious, and before I opened my cookie yesterday, I didn't believe the sayings in fortune cookies had any mystical powers. And, now, my friends, I KNOW they don't. They are obviously written by men. Because only a man would place such a saying in a COOKIE. A COOKIE you eat after you've eaten the emormous portions of food they give you. A COOKIE that you already feel guilty about eating! A COOKIE that is worth more WW points that some of their frozen meals. No woman would ever do such a thing!


So, I did what any self-respecting woman would have done. I grunted, "Hmph," ate the other half of my cookie, and waddled back to my desk. And, after I had fumed about it for four hours, I shut off my computer, and drove straight to the mall.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yumm! Chinese food is my favorite. Fortune cookie messages are usually kind of goofy. "Rest awaits you after years of toil." "You enjoy the company of good friends (and a full belly)." Tell me about it. Sheesh.

Josh & Sarah said...

Oh my goodness - that is hilarious! I can't believe it actually said that! I agree that it had to totally be written by a man. Thanks for putting a smile on my face at the end of today! :)

Stephanie said...

Heather,
I've been meaning to respond to you and to your kind comments you left on my blog last week. Thank you for praying for me, for encouraging me. I needed that and I really appreciated the support from a fellow Hawkeye! You shared a very touching post about your relationship with your Dad and I commend you for it. Regrets are inevitable in this life, but it's motivating to hear from your heart and to not waste the opportunities we've been given. Blessings to you!
Love,
Stephanie

Hillary said...

Ha!!! That is great!! I went to the Fortune Cookie Factory in San Francisco last summer! They are so good right of the hot machine.

Justice Fergie said...

too funny.

but you were looking at it all wrong if you ask me. the cookie was giving you LICENSE to go SHOPPING! it had nothing to do with how much food you ate. it's aaaalllll in how you read it hon! now if i could just get the same fortune to show up in my lunch today...

Shop on :)