Friday, March 7, 2008

Fear, Friendship and Forgiveness

My wonderful (and well-read) friend Melissa recommended that I read Having A Mary Spirit by Joanna Weaver. I finished it today. It was awesome, and it spoke to me. And, although it spoke to me in many different ways, two chapters I read today were particularly timely. The first one dealt with fear. Anyone who read my post a few days ago probably intimated that I am fearful of change. I am fearful of trying new things. I always have been. If I am speaking truthfully, I only like to "try" things that I already know I will succeed at. At the very least, I want the odds of success to be tilted in my favor. That's why only a handful of people I know are cognizant of the fact this blog exists--my closest friends and loved ones. Well, that was until last night. Last night I stepped out of my comfort zone and left a comment on another blog. It was a blog that I have been reading for several weeks now. One that I immensely enjoyed reading. What I didn't anticipate, however, was that in a few short minutes, the number of hits on my own blog would quadruple. All of a sudden, I was struck by a terrible wave of panic and fear. I poured over every word that I had ever written on this blog. Would these women read it? If they did read it, would they like it? Would they think I was odd, weird, or strange? Would they ever come back and visit my corner of the world again? In a word, would they like me?
Today, as I was reading Having a Mary Spirit, I came upon a chapter on fear. In it she explains that when we struggle with fear and anxiety, we must know and rely on the perfect love that God has for us. And when we trust God's perfect love for us, we no longer have to be fearful or anxious. After reading that chapter, I felt a wave of relief come over me. God brought to mind the verses that Beth Moore taught on from Ephesians where God tells us that we are blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, and forgiven. In Him, we are loved. And, as I meditated on that Truth, I felt at peace. I realized that even if none of those women, or anyone else, ever visited my blog again, it wouldn't mean that I wasn't liked or loved.
With that said, of course, I would love to connect with other women through my blog. Both women I know and with women I don't know yet. Secretly, I think I've always wanted people to read and comment on my blog. Whether that will happen or not, only God knows right now. But either way, I am secure in the knowledge that I am loved.
I know I said there were two ways this book spoke to me, but you will have to wait until later to hear about the other one. I have to go check on my precious 10-year old boy who has a stomach bug. I can't wait until it warms up and we can air out all of the germs that have congregated in our house!


melissa said...

I love you too! Fear is one of the enemy's favorite tricks i think. I'm glad the book was a blessing to you.

Sarah said...

What a beautiful post! I've heard such good things about that book. Now I KNOW I have to read it.

I, too, struggle so much with "I hope they like me!" I can't count how many times I'm so much more concerned regarding human opinion rather than God's opinion. Thank you for the reminder. So eloquently written.