The Break-Up

My dearest G.A.,

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I sit here writing this letter. I look back at all the great times we've shared over the last few years, and I can scarcely believe it has come to this. I remember what great joy I had the first time I spotted you across that parking lot. If love at first sight exists, I believe that I experienced it with you. You were so handsome, so powerful, so everything I was looking for at that time in my life. Or, at least I thought you were everything I was looking for.

You were my constant companion, never refusing to travel with me, even when I was traveling to boring places. You always did your best to take care of me, keeping me cool in the summer, and warm in bitter Iowa winters, and you never once complained about my singing. I thought your love for me was unconditional. But, G.A., what happened?

Was I blinded by your beauty or by your desire to go flying through life like I did? Did I fail to take care of your needs, too? I really tried hard to make sure you were well fed and were pampered. So, can you tell me why you abandoned me? Why? Just, tell me why? Because I really thought that I was the only one who could get your engine running, so to speak. So, what happened? Why, in the words of the Stones, couldn't I start you up? Well, at least without bribing you.

And, the bribery. Well, the bribery is completely unacceptable. I shouldn't have to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars to prove that I love you. I know that I have broken this bribery rule in the past, and I have paid money to show you my love. But, that money was for small things, and I thought I was meeting your needs and maintaining your well-being by doing that. But, hundreds and hundreds of dollars, that's different. Especially, when they tell me that you might abandon me again. In just a few short months, even. I am so sorry, but I think I must end this relationship. It is no longer reciprocal love. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to trade you in for a newer model. I will always love you, but I cannot continue to put up with this behavior. Besides, I have my eye on a Buick, and I've heard that Buicks are more reliable than you Grand Ams. I guess they just don't have as high of an opinion of themselves since they aren't as cute. Not that I'm bitter or anything. So, goodbye Grand Am, goodbye.

With much love,

Your soon to be ex-owner

(What about you? What kind of car do you drive? And, do you like it?)