Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The Break-Up

My dearest G.A.,

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I sit here writing this letter. I look back at all the great times we've shared over the last few years, and I can scarcely believe it has come to this. I remember what great joy I had the first time I spotted you across that parking lot. If love at first sight exists, I believe that I experienced it with you. You were so handsome, so powerful, so everything I was looking for at that time in my life. Or, at least I thought you were everything I was looking for.

You were my constant companion, never refusing to travel with me, even when I was traveling to boring places. You always did your best to take care of me, keeping me cool in the summer, and warm in bitter Iowa winters, and you never once complained about my singing. I thought your love for me was unconditional. But, G.A., what happened?

Was I blinded by your beauty or by your desire to go flying through life like I did? Did I fail to take care of your needs, too? I really tried hard to make sure you were well fed and were pampered. So, can you tell me why you abandoned me? Why? Just, tell me why? Because I really thought that I was the only one who could get your engine running, so to speak. So, what happened? Why, in the words of the Stones, couldn't I start you up? Well, at least without bribing you.

And, the bribery. Well, the bribery is completely unacceptable. I shouldn't have to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars to prove that I love you. I know that I have broken this bribery rule in the past, and I have paid money to show you my love. But, that money was for small things, and I thought I was meeting your needs and maintaining your well-being by doing that. But, hundreds and hundreds of dollars, that's different. Especially, when they tell me that you might abandon me again. In just a few short months, even. I am so sorry, but I think I must end this relationship. It is no longer reciprocal love. I'm sorry, but I think I'm going to have to trade you in for a newer model. I will always love you, but I cannot continue to put up with this behavior. Besides, I have my eye on a Buick, and I've heard that Buicks are more reliable than you Grand Ams. I guess they just don't have as high of an opinion of themselves since they aren't as cute. Not that I'm bitter or anything. So, goodbye Grand Am, goodbye.

With much love,

Your soon to be ex-owner

(What about you? What kind of car do you drive? And, do you like it?)


Kelly said...

Ha ha! So a new car?????
I drive a company car (something I'm so thankful to have!) - it's a chevy trailblazer. I obviously love it because it's free!

Brooklyn said...

that was so funny! i drive a kia sedona and it is okay. it was super cheap so i really like that! i drove a kia sorento before the sedona and i absolutely loved it. unfortunatly my husband totaled it during the ice storm last winter. happy car hunting!

Megan L Hutchings said...

This is so funny! Are you getting a new car? I drove a Toyota Camry and L-O-V-E IT!!!! Good luck shopping!

Anonymous said...

I've heard that Vespas are making a comeback. Think how much fun you'll have this winter.

Nancy said...

I am relieved you are not writing about your marriage! Whew!

Well, I buy a new car every 15 years so get what I really want knowing it'll be with me for a long time. Last year I got a Volvo SUV and I love it! With gas prices so high I'd still rather drive my Volvo less, as opposed to driving a more economical car more. Since I work from home I have that luxury.

Hope you get a new car you really enjoy!

Julie said...

This was an hillarious post! I drive a Honda Civic and I love it. It runs very well and I've had it for 5 years now!

Let us know what you get.

Julia said...

Awww, how sad :( So do you know what you're going to get? I drive a p.o.c. (piece of crap) and would LOVE to have a Honda CR-V.

SnappyCasualGifts said...

I have a tahoe and love it. Just don't love the price when I fill it up!!!

Leigh Ann said...

You crack me up! Good luck car shopping. Fun! We have a Trailblazer and really like it.

Kristen said...

Aww...I had a VW Jetta a year-ish ago that was a piece. My biggest fear was breaking down on the side of the highway, and it happened - but I faced my fear, survived to tell about it, and got rid of that sinking car asap.
I now have a Nissan Murano and LOVE IT!! (the gas mileage could be better but the ride is smooth and it handled like a dream during our ice storm last winter..yay for all wheel drive)
What type of Buick are you looking at?

petrii said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA and HA!! You are so cute ~~ yes you are Heather!! Well, we have a - brace yourself - Pontiac Grand Prix ~~ see you always knew we were soul sista's :) and LOVE it, although (isn't there always an although in the Pontiac world?), the air conditioning has not worked this summer or last and the sunroof got stuck in open position, of course (that is a story in itself), so needless to say no longer opens and various and sundry other things, but still LOVE it!! That car and me, yep we're tight. But now we also have a Dodge Alero and it is really nice as well (no leather seats and broken sunroof), but still a dandy ~~ the air works WOOHOO!! Okay so obviously you've hit a cord, hence this ridiculously long comment :0)

Love you girl,

Heidi Zawisza said...

OMG! I am laughing out loud!!