Stricken and Afflicted

Alright, ya'll. I'm STILL sick!! I'm trying very hard to maintain a good attitude, but it is getting increasingly difficult to do. The good news is that, for the most part, I can breathe out of both nostrils. My sinuses are less bad Botoxyish, which that is good. But, my throat is still sore, and it still hurts to talk. But that's not the worst. I mean, hello, get a load of my new symptoms. Last night I was trying to sleep, and we all know how much I like my sleep, when I was rudely awakened by a pain in my left foot. Well, at first, I thought that it was just a cramp, and I tried to ignore it. But, obviously, hell hath no fury like a left foot scorned. And, I'm not even Daniel Day Lewis. Instead of going away, though, my foot started to throb. It also felt like it was on FIRE. Seriously. Like it was burning from the inside out. So, I did what any other sane, sleep-loving person would do. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

Remember that scorned thing? Yep, you guessed it. The pain only got worse. I woke up two hours later to a throbbing, burning feeling, moving further up my leg. And, the pain, girlfriends, was EXCRUCIATING! I was freezing cold, and the pain was so severe, I had the shakes. (And, truly, I am not exaggerating. At all.) In fact, the pain was so bad, it rates right up there with the pain I experienced giving birth to W. And, don't forget, I had a C-section without an epidural. So, I think you get the point. So, what did I do? I headed straight for the Vicodin. And, then I tried to go back to sleep.

The Vicodin helped a little, but I figured I probably should go to the doctor. So, I did. I guess viruses can do strange things, including causing nerve problems. Hence the leg pain. And apparently, this pain can last up to a week. Great. Just what I wanted. (Trying to have a good attitude...) The doctor put me on Prednisone to help with the pain.

Which brings me to part two of this little saga. The evils of Prednisone. I took my medicine exactly as my doctor ordered, and let's just say, it had some, um, undesirable side effects. Side effects that were not listed on the insert. I mean NO WHERE on the insert did it state that Prednisone causes early onset MENOPAUSE!!! Uh huh, laugh if you want to, but homie ain't playin'. I had all the symptoms. Headache, fatigue, irritability, and hot flashes. HOT FLASHES!!! Seriously. Well, it was really like one, six hour hot flash. I mean, I turned the air conditioner on in my office and turned it down to 60 degrees. My secretary wouldn't even come in my office because she thought it was so cold in there. And, ladies, if I would have guessed, I would have said it was at least 120 degrees in there. Alright, 85 degrees might be more like it. But not a degree less. Not one degree less. I was sweating so much, I looked like I had run the Boston marathon. And, if I would have have burned the million calories I would have burned if I had run the Boston marathon (assuming I would have survived the marathon, but we won't talk about that), I wouldn't be complaining. But, I didn't. Instead, I only burned approximately 60 calories. 20 by repeatedly fanning myself with my legal pad, and 40 from repeatedly picking my pantyhose off my sweaty backside. Someone, please tell me menopause won't be this bad!!!!!

Guess what? I'm so excited. I have eight more days of the Prednisone. I can't wait!! I'm thrilled. Can't you tell I'm thrilled? And, I really am trying to have a good attitude. Really. Obviously, I could use some prayers. Lots and lots of prayers! And, for those of you wonderful women I will see tomorrow night at book club, I could also use some chocolate. And, some Secret, preferably clinical strength.