Friday, April 11, 2008

Random Shallowness

Disclaimer: If you are looking for a deep, intellectual post, you have come to the wrong blog. It's Friday, I'm tired, and as a result, my brain is not functioning at full capacity. If you are in the mood for complete, random shallowness, however, please continue reading.

In no particular order, the following random topics have entered my mind this morning.

1. Vanilla Ice was arrested yesterday. Now, for anyone who has been reading this blog commentary on my life for awhile, or for any of you who just know me all too well, you know that I have a strange fascination with Vanilla Ice. (Well, I have a strange fascination with a lot of rap music in general.) And, "Ice, Ice Baby" is my karaoke standby. Well, that, or "Bust A Move", or anything by the Beastie Boys, or, well, whatever. The point is that I like to sing "Ice, Ice Baby"...a lot. I know all the words. And, I have to wonder if Ice got arrested on A-1-A Beachfront Avenue? Yes, I did just call him Ice. That's my nickname for him. What? In my world, we're peeps. Does it matter that he doesn't know that? I think not.

2. The evils of Prednisone part 1,000,000. I'm still on Prednisone, and I still am having hot flashes, or "sweating" as the Internet called it. Yep, I looked up the side effects of Prednisone on the Internet, and sure enough, on one of the websites, it indicated that Prednisone could cause "sweating." And, Honey, let me tell ya, that there Internet article was written by a man. Sweating does not begin to describe the misery of Prednisone. Simply put in fifth grade math terms, sweating is not equal to HOTFLASH. But, really, I'm not complaining. I like looking like I haven't showered in a month. It's a good look for me, really. It kind of reminds me of when Nirvana and grunge were "in." So, I guess you can say, I'm bringing grunge back. Maybe you should try it, too. Just don't throw your neck out of place trying to headbang. I've heard that is painful.

3. The evils of Prednisone part 1,000,001. Apparently, in addition to inducing a menopausal like state, Prednisone also makes your face break out with a hundred million zits. OK, maybe that is a bit of an exaggeration. The point is that Prednisone is obviously a miracle drug. I, mean, what other drug can make you become a thirteen year old, menopausal woman? And, that girls, is priceless. Anyone have any Clearasil or Sea Breeze they want to share? We can have a slumber party and paint each others nails with Cutex nail polish. And, we can walk around with Noxema on our faces while giggling over the latest issue of Tiger Beat. If we get bored, we can TP the boy up the street. Because, after all, he's dreamy.

4. Since I have been having all of these skin issues, I've busted out every skin care product in my bathroom cabinets. And, wow, I have a lot of skin care products. In fact, I think I have something from nearly every skin care brand. I wish I could tell you which ones actually work, but I can't. You see, I suffer from a disease called SCADD, also known as skin care attention deficit disorder. I like buying skin care products, and I don't even mind using them. Once or twice. But, if I haven't seen results by then, well, it's over. I mean, after all, I should have seen results when the nice sales lady swiped my debit card and put my purchase in the bag, right? Instant results, isn't that how it's supposed to work? Imagine my surprise when I found out that you actually have to use the products in order for them to work. They tell me that's a delusion caused by the disease. I'm trying to get help, but I could use some from you, too. What skin care products do you use that actually work? Preferably ones that work quickly. You know, like yesterday.

5. The joy of Prednisone. Well, with all the undesirable side effects, it's about time I can claim a positive one. Apparently. Prednisone can cause weight gain. Rapid weight gain, even. Like several pounds in a few days. That's great. I thought it was all the cookies I ate. But, now I know, it was just the Prednisone. At least that's my story, and I'm stickin' with it.

6. Personal trainers. I've been meaning to hire a personal trainer for awhile now. But, it takes a lot of energy to interview personal trainers, especially when I could just eat cookies. Don't get me wrong. I do want a personal trainer. One exactly like Jillian from the Biggest Loser. She's amazing. And, maybe if I find a trainer like Jillian, I can look like Ali, too. Can we just say "girl power." I'll be tuning in Tuesday to see who is this season's Biggest Loser. And, maybe if I've found a personal trainer by then, I'll be able to watch it without eating cookies. I guess we'll just have to see. Because I'm watching Miss U.S.A. right now, and I'd definitely be eating cookies if I had them (or cookie dough, if someone would share.)

Well, that's probably enough random shallowness from me for one day. I hope you all have a great weekend.


Anonymous said...

That's my random free association girl. Ice, ice baby.

m said...

it is possible that we are twins separated at birth...except you're way smarter than me. No fair.

Caroline said...

heather you are so funny. I hate that I am just now reading this.

1. van ice....i def saw him at a show like 3 years ago....sad really!1!!!!

2. that stinks about the pred and acne. I don't think I knew that it did that!

3. I totally watch the miss amercia whatever........what did you think???????

hope you are having a better monday!!!!!!!!

Hillary said...

I SOOOO want a personal trainer too! And I also said I want a Jillian and that's part of the reason I'm putting it off! There are very few Jillian's out there!
Oh but I CAN'T wait for the finale tomorrow! I'm so excited!

Anonymous said...

Bailey is on the same drugs and I feel so much better as a parent today.
Thanks. Your blog always helps in some way. Weight gain being one. She however has developed clear skin, explain, a teenager with clear skin. Yes, prednisone. Cindy