Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I really can't thank you enough for praying for me! I felt so much better yesterday and today. I know it was because of your prayers. And, thanks so much for letting me vent. I so hope I didn't scare anyone off by airing out my dirty laundry on the internet. It means a lot to me that you come by and read my blog, and I hope you'll keep reading. My intention was not to bring anyone else down in the dumps with me. So, I truly hope I didn't do that. Thank you again for your prayers. They mean the world to me.
We really don't know any more than we did about my mom's condition. She had a CT scan done of her brain, and that, PTL, came back clear. Her primary care doctor thinks that she is most likely suffering from a condition called hepatic encephalopathy. (Try saying that three times fast...) We really won't know for sure if this is what is causing her symptoms, or what her treatment options are, until she sees her hepatologist next week. As I understand it (if her doctor is correct), toxins in her liver have migrated to her brain and are causing things to malfunction up there. The good news, however, is that this condition is generally treatable. So, we're hopeful, and I'll update everyone when I know more.
Like I said earlier, though, I feel so much more at peace with everything. Not only the situation with my mom, but with all the stuff I'm going through in general. Your prayers must have caused a breakthrough for me because I feel like God is speaking to me again. And, I feel He is clarifying, at least a little bit, what is going on. For example, last night our church started Beth Moore's newest Bible study, Stepping Up. I really felt that God wanted me to go to this study, and am I ever glad I went. Beth said something that really spoke to me. She quoted Psalm 84:5-7:
Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
And, she used those verses to say that we are all on a pilgrimage; a pilgrimage to heaven. Wherever we are today is not where we we will stay forever., and whatever we're going through right now won't endure forever. We're just passing through. That really gave me hope. Hope that something better is around the corner. Hope that my situation will change, and hope that I won't be here forever. The point of the study is to step up to the next level with God, and that's definitely what I what. I really, really do. Despite everything that's going on, I do want to get closer to Him. I know that He is working everything that has happened, and everything that is happening, in my life for good. And, even though I may not be able to see what He's doing or the purpose behind it, I know He has one, and I don't want to miss it.
Needless to say, but I was feeling much better after I got home from Bible study last night. But, God wasn't done with me yet. My good friend Melissa recommended Max Lucado's In the Grip of Grace to me awhile back. I finally found a copy and I've been reading it. (If you haven't read it, you should. It's a wonderful book!) And, last night part of what I read dealt with the sufficiency of God's grace. In the book, Max Lucado writes about a time when he was praying and thanking God for protecting one of his children. And, he writes that the Lord spoke to him, asking him some questions about his prayer. Primarily, God asked him (and this is a paraphrase from memory), "Would I be any less God if I had let your child die?" And, "Would I be any less loving or deserving of your praise?" The point was that God has given us grace, and His grace is sufficient for us, no matter what is happening in our lives. As I was reading that chapter, I felt God was speaking to me, too.
And, that's what I want. I want to live like I know and believe that God's grace is sufficient for me. No matter what is going on in my life. So, I think it is fitting that Anne Graham Lotz is in town this weekend. She is leading her event Just Give Me Jesus. That's what I want. I want Jesus. More than anything. So, Melissa and I have a hot date tonight to go see Anne Graham Lotz and to get us some Jesus. And, I can't wait!!!
Have a wonderful weekend!